In her column, Gülseren Onanç, the Founding Chair of the SES Equality and Solidarity Association, reflects on the state of unhappiness for feminist women and commemorates a prominent women’s rights activist in Turkey, Fatma Çiğdem Aydın who has recently passed away.
Gülseren Onanç
“I am unhappy,” Deniz said.
This time, there was unhappiness in the always smiling face of Deniz. “We lost very valuable people in the pandemic, and now Çiğdem,” she said at the funeral of our friend Çiğdem Aydın.
One out of every two people in Turkey defines themselves as unhappy, and this rate is increasing every year. World-famous model Bella Hadid, who has 47 million followers on Instagram, has announced that she has been crying almost every day and every night for the past few years. She said social media isn’t real.
In her article “A manifesto of unhappiness” in Çatlak Zemin, Ekin Baltaş underlined that “loudly vocalizing unhappiness implies the responsibility to own the truth. Unhappiness is the clearest indication that things must change. That’s why Virginia Woolf positioned herself on this truth from the very beginning: “A feminist is any woman who tells the truth about her life.”
Unhappiness is inevitable for those who, like Deniz, see the unjust reality of life and rebel against it.
The discrimination against blacks, immigrants, women, LGBTI+ individuals, Kurds and Alevis continues. In Turkey, at least one woman is killed every day. In this world where millions of women are persecuted by the Taliban in Afghanistan and by Boko Haram in Nigeria, unhappiness is inevitable for feminist women.
The system tells us that we should be happy and that if we are not happy, we choose to face the feeling of unhappiness because of ourselves. Also, unhappiness isn’t all that bad. Because the feeling of sadness leads us to seek change and struggle. Our belief that we need to change the system that produces violence and inequality is sharpening, and it gives us the strength to fight even if we can’t make advances sometimes.
As Sara Ahmed says: “Once you are a feminist, once you come to identify that word as your own, it is as though you are “switched on,” such that being “on” is your default position, and all that you encounter, all that you consume, that you do, becomes something to be challenged, questioned, resisted. It can be exciting—to become attuned to how things have taken a shape in the way that a story is a shape, how things are not necessary or inevitable, how they are open to being challenged, how we can create alternative stories. But it can be tiring, always being ‘on.’ ”
When I went to my annual routine check-up last month, my friend Meral, a breast surgery specialist, said that cancer cases had increased a lot lately. In my opinion, I associated this increase with an increase in unhappiness that occured during the pandemic. Çiğdem also succumbed to lung cancer.
What is sisterhood?
Çiğdem Aydın was a feminist who for years made the gender struggle a way of life for herself. She knowingly and willingly embarked on the difficult journey in the women’s movement. Even though it did not work, she wanted to open a field of struggle for herself in politics.I think she immediately understood that this journey is full of disappointments and unhappiness. Çiğdem had sisters on whose shoulders she cried, talked, produced together, and fought shoulder to shoulder. Their presence supported Çiğdem’s struggle and gave meaning to her life. In the farewell ceremony held for her, her sisters underlined how she was precious.
While sending Çiğdem off to eternity, I thought it was time to question the concept of “sisterhood”.
Selda Tuncer asked in her article in Amargi Magazine years ago: “What exactly is this sisterhood? Can we say that sisterhood is the thing that binds women and holds them together? But then how did it accumulate so much distrust and disappointment behind it? What kind of historical experience and memory is it based on that even when we talk about the possibility of such a strong notion that provides liberation and solidarity among women, its impossibility immediately comes to mind? But still, we do not give up on the idea of sisterhood.”
The concept of sisterhood is a legacy that must be preserved and reproduced.
Selda Tuncer underlined that, “Sisterhood refers to a comprehensive meaning that includes different knowledge and experiences. It has spread over very long processes and does not belong to a specific place and time.
As she underlines: we have accumulated many experiences of womanhood from very different periods, with various examples of feminist struggle and women’s solidarity. “If we can talk about a sisterhood spirit that is still so strong and effective today, we owe it to all this accumulation.”
The magic formula of overcoming unhappiness: Feminist friendship
The feminist movements that have developed since women demanded equality in the public sphere at the beginning of the 20th century, has gained its historical achievement with the spirit of sisterhood. Sisterhood is a legacy beyond our immediate and personal feelings. Preserving the legacy of sisterhood is both our responsibility and our great chance as feminists.
In her article titled “Being friends with women as a political attitude,” Ekin Baltaş has argued for a “friendship contract” among women. Her concept of “friendship” is not based on recognizing, sharing or loving; it defines respecting, standing side by side with those who are not like us. This is also a political relationship that forms the basis of human ties. In this context, feminist friendship is more than reacting to a harasser or jointly. Feminist friendship requires respecting women for no reason, not because we know or love them.
Feminist friendships are vital for women who do not hesitate to tell the truth about their lives and share their unhappiness. I believe that the friendship of women who stand together against injustice is crucial not only for their happiness but also for the strength of the feminist movement.
To conclude, let’s take a step today to repair our cracks with our friends who are waiting for our attention, neglected and hurt.With the secure feminist friendships that will be established with our efforts, we can build an equal and fair future that we dream of and get rid of the spiral of “unhappiness” we have fallen into.
I am indebted to my friends Çiğdem and Deniz, who made me think and write about this struggle..