There’s another type of narcissism that’s less well-known and more difficult to spot than grandiose narcissists: covert narcissism. Although the behaviors of a covert narcissist may be less apparent, they can be just as harmful to the people around them. So how do covert narcissists reveal themselves in a romantic relationship? Experts weigh in.
When we imagine a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is often that of an overt narcissist: someone who is loud, grandiose, and full of entitlement and arrogance.
However, there’s another type of narcissism that often goes unnoticed: covert narcissism.
Unlike overt narcissists who flaunt their grandiosity, covert narcissists display their self-centeredness in subtler ways. They lack empathy, manipulate others to get what they want, and have a strong desire to feel special. However, while overt narcissists seek this sense of specialness through traits like attractiveness and intelligence, covert narcissists often emphasize their emotional struggles or personal difficulties.
Clinical psychologist Craig Malkin explains that covert narcissists might agree with statements like “most people don’t understand my problems” or “I’m temperamentally more sensitive compared to others,” using their vulnerabilities to stand out rather than their strengths. To put it simply, while overt narcissists boast their strengths while hiding their weaknesses, covert narcissists do the opposite: they hide their strengths but amplify their vulnerabilities.
According to W. Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia, covert narcissists might not display the typical characteristics one might associate with narcissism, such as grandiosity and arrogance. Instead, they may come across as quiet, introverted, anxious, or even depressed. This can make it difficult to identify their self-centeredness and entitlement at first, as they often express these traits in more indirect ways. They may become angry about other people’s success, or feel insecure and defensive if they aren’t recognized or appreciated.
Campbell suggests that understanding this nuanced behavior is crucial since narcissism exists on a spectrum. Many people may possess narcissistic tendencies without meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a diagnosable mental health condition.
So what does covert narcissism look like in a romantic relationship? Kelsey Borresen from Huffington Post speaks to experts and suggests 5 signs that shows you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist.
They constantly play the victim.
According to experts, in any situation, a partner with covert narcissistic tendencies habitually positions themselves as the person who has suffered the most, channeling their grandiosity into being perceived as the most misunderstood or aggrieved individual. This behavior ensures that they constantly win the competition for who has endured the most hardship.
They seethe with jealousy when the spotlight is on you.
Grandiose narcissists tend to attract attention openly, while covert narcissists are more withdrawn, observing others and harboring a strong desire to be the center of attention. They often feel envious, insecure, and resentful, longing for more recognition. This behavior is often rooted in trauma or abuse experienced during their upbringing.
They brood or act out instead of saying what’s really on their mind
A covert narcissist uses their emotions in a manipulative manner, displaying vulnerability not as a genuine expression but as a means of controlling others.If a partner becomes emotional or withdraws when asked to help with chores or inquire about the other’s day, these reactions might be more about deflecting the conversation than truly expressing their needs or feelings.
They suck all the air out of the room
A covert narcissist regards their problems as more significant than yours or anyone else’s and behaves accordingly. Because of this belief, they feel entitled to dominate conversations with their own concerns.
They’re very defensive
Covert narcissists can exhibit defensiveness about their own achievements and negativity, and they may harbor hostility towards others’ successes. This is due to their insecurities and hypersensitivity, making interactions with them challenging. They are constantly seeking validation but can react with defensiveness and anger when they feel threatened.
Source: Huffington Post